Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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