we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
