who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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