so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
