Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
