Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
