do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
time to smoke my breakfast
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
