listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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