this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
