yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
