A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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