who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
