HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
