Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
