Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
