hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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