the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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