If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
