i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
