Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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