Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
