I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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