hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
