dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
