I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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