While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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