@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
