omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
