Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm both gender and math confused
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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