dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
