you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
