Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
