dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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