mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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