He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
