so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
