I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
