escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
