I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
