1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My balls are so social today.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
