apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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