3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
