then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
