The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize