you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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