billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
