You're earring is so big in my mouth
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
