I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I love having hate sex.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
