Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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