Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This toilet bowl is my home.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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