guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
