Betty ford says i'm here all night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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